shishu

breaking free

2006-09-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

you know the world can see us
in a way that's different than who we are....

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it's dbs week once again... another week of a very tight schedule but this time, i know goes with fun and the tasks are simply worth doing...

*****************

in line with the dbs week, i attended a symposium earlier entitled chorva chats... it was all about LGBT and it somehow gave me the clearer picture of how these groups of people deal with society's discriminatory tactics! tsk tsk...

can i just say that i love the speakers especially doni who was the replacement of the other speaker! he/she was awesome!!!

louie mar, the author of orosa-nakpil was our speaker also... i cannot forget a statement he said...

louie mar: "ang taong DESPERATE, sa patalim kumakapit"

ako: ah kuya/ate, how conyo can you get??

*****************

"mas masarap magselos pag alam mong hindi siya sa'yo..." -ate roan

oo nga, bakit kaya??? hmmm...

guitar concerto= dencio's

2006-08-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

reklamo ng lahat: budget!
lahat ng tao sa paligid ko ngayon ay "may pera ngunit di sapat" ...
ang dami kasing pinagkakagastusan, binabayaran, pinagkakauutangan, hinuhulugan, nilalagyan, pinaglalaanan, binibili, at iba pa...

hay...

haaaaay...

ngunit sa oras ng pagsubok talaga masusubok ang galing mo...

kung kailan ka walang pera tsaka ka lalong gagasta...

hum2!
inakala kong tapos na ang hirap...
biglang may paper pala ang guitar concerto...

chelle: napilitang pumunta kasama si gia at david...
david: natulog ng buong buhay sa venue na parang nasa bahay lang,
gia: nawala...nahiwalay ng upuan...
guitar concerto: boring, nakakaantok, nanghihikayat matulog....sayang ang 250 pesos...

after almost 30 minutes of listening to lullabies...
announcer: "magkakaroon po tayo ng 10-minute break"
david: "labas tayo, nagugutom ako"
chelle: "ok"

naglakad, hanggang sa dalin ng mga paa sa dencio's ...
umorder, kumain, uminom, kumain, uminom, nagkwentuhan, nagtawanan, kumain, uminom hanggang sa malunod sa iced tea, nagbayad, uminom, lumayas...

malamang, tapos na ang palabas...kumusta naman sa 10- minute break? kumusta naman ang cost-cutting? kumusta naman ang reaction paper? ano kaya maganda isulat?

hay...patay ako! wala akong mailalagay...
kasi naman...

2006-08-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

simply happy...

although my day didn't start well because of the flood i had to bear just to attend my PE class , the rest of it compensated for what happened early morning...

***a curse for kings
this was our piece for the speech choir we presented in our speech 11 class...after the time consuming and energy draining practices we had, it was finally over! and as a result, we got a FLAT ONE!!! hahaha..very fulfilling...

***UP Panitikan
as a new official member, i attended our first general assembly...it was super fun!!! why??? because i got to bond with my friends- freyja, jannel, david, patrick, ate hana, kenneth and ate chie and many more. i just felt guilty for not listening attentively to ate digz

***dencio's
after the meeting, i went straight ahead to rob to meet my "alagas"(freshies) who were having their drinking session at dencio's . anyway, it was fun although i didn't drink... we shared many secrets on life and love life and it got us closer, i think!!! i'm looking forward to another bonding session.

...and that's how my day went...

***p.s. goodluck to my beloved friends who will be having their exam on comm3 tomorrow.... isipin nyo na lang na wlang sinabi ang psych150 dyan...

2006-08-03T08:10:00.001+08:00

at last! grabe inamag na naman ang blog ko... ang tagal na stagnant. anyway, wala lang. wala rin akong matinong sasabihin dito, gusto ko lang magtype...hehehe...

**ang sarap manood ng sine kapag libre!
nilibre kami ni kenneth ng movie kanina. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako tawa ng tawa kanina eh dapat nakakatakot siya. siguro kasi ung mga kasama ko eh sobrang kukulit especially patrick.

**nagkaroon kami ng evaluation kanina ng handog
pero may mas mahalaga pa dyan, at yun ay ang paglalaro namin ng co-fbcs ko. sa larong ito, kelangan mo sabihin ang favorite at ayaw mong body part ng katabi mo.
pat: ang pinakagusto ko kay rachelle ay ang legs, at ang pinakaayaw ko naman ay boobs.
facilitator: ok, now, kailangan nyo i-kiss ang AYAW niyong body part.
ako: waaaahhhhhhhh........pat, pwedeng iba na lang?!

**nagdinner kami sa Friday's after ng evaluation
at siyempre, magkakatabi ang happy four friends...puro kalokohan at pagrereminisce ng aming first year life ang napagtripan namin. hiniritan pa kami ni happy fourth friend ng kanyang mga first impressions. masaya!

**nagkaron kami ng text marathon ni happy fourth friend
natuwa ako kasi may mga bagay kaming napagusapan na alam kong mahihirapan siya sabihin sa personal. at least, no grudges hidden na.
ako: hapi 4th friend kita kaya di kita gusto awayin
h4f: weee! i labshu hapi 1st friend!
ako: i labshu too! -yuck, an maniac ng dating ko! hahaha...walang pagnanasang kahalo un pare ha..hahaha...

2006-08-03T08:10:00.000+08:00

2006-06-26T10:47:00.000+08:00

Out of Reach

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

2006-06-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

school matters

i'm getting depressed of the fact that up to this time i'm not yet enrolled. my other blockmates are already attending their respective classes while i'm still hoping and praying that i will be accomodated in the classes i wish to have... it's only this moment that i realized how precious form5 is. and now, all i want is to have my form5 because it is driving me crazy.

2006-05-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

drive... drive... drive...

i had another first time experience today. i'm proud of myself because now i know how to drive a car either with an automatic or a manual transmission..yes!!! i know how to drive...yipeee!!!!

i love to drive... it gives me contentment and excitement... it gives you stress (sometimes) but more often than not, it releases stress...

i look forward to my next driving session! :)

preenlistment dilemma

2006-05-24T19:58:00.000+08:00

i didn't expect that the preenlistment would turn out this way for me. waaahh...i didn't get some of the subjects i need for the first semester. no comm3, no p.e., no natsci50, giving me a total of only 12 units out of the 18 units i need.

to fix this mess, i have to bear the very, very long line during the late registration. haaay, i hope that luck will be on my side.

vacation is almost over. i want to go to school now. i miss my friends, i miss studying (yuck, ang nerd..haha), i miss UP. i just hope i'll not be underloaded this sem because that is the worst thing that could happen to me... :(

2006-05-13T18:45:00.000+08:00

how i wish...

i wish to see you now...

i wish i could spend the day talking to you once more...

i wish i could share my thoughts and nonsensical stories...

i wish i could receive a simple text from you, even a blank message will do...

i wish i could hear your stories at the end of the day...

i wish we could fight over petty things again...

i wish that we will not be trapped in this situation for good...

because whatever i do, i can't get over you...

*i got this from a friend's letter...just want to share it...

2006-05-11T20:38:00.000+08:00

driving 101

one of my goals in life is to learn how to drive. i want to experience how to drive along busy streets. and finally, after 10 hours of learning the basics of this skill, i got to drive. i drove not only around the village and not in the town plaza but in north luzon expressway...waaahhh..it was awesome! it was a great achievement for me.. :)) hehe..fun! fun! fun!

Friends, Buddies, Companions

2006-04-29T14:31:00.000+08:00

as i entered college, i have encountered interesting people who became very close to my heart. every day is such a unique experience because of them. they make dull moments so colorful and fun that i just love to be with them.

to behsci block 6:
we have shared many memories already even if we've known each other for two semesters. happy and sad, in success and in failure we were together. undoubtedly, i have learned so much from you. many of you are already decided to shift or transfer to another course, may you be succesful in all your endeavors and i also want to assure you that behsci block 6 will never be the same without you.

to my first ever barkada in college:
i experienced many firsts with you. i'm just so lucky to meet you during the most crucial time as a freshman. thank you for the bonding moments we had, the sleepovers, the food trips and everything else. i hope we'll continue to strengthen the friendship even if i'm not with you as often as before.

to the A-P-I-R, patrick and david:
you never fail to make me smile when i'm so down. thank you for welcoming me in your group. i never felt out of place when i'm with you. i wish that we will spend more time together so that we'll share more memories. hehe...

to my review buddies:
it was fun to study with people like you. i look forward to another review session-slash-sleepover with all of you, syempre with shishu

to my block bestie, freyja:
i don't know what to say..hehe..thank you for understanding me when i'm so hard to understand. i'm sorry if we don't have chikka moments very often. but i want you to know that i'll always be here for you..mwah!

to jannel and david:
together forever daw ang drama..i never expected that we'll have this kind of bond. i have disclosed a different side of me to the two of you already. i know that you have done the same thing also. thank you for the trust. i really appreciate it. i just pray that the friendship will be for good because i'm enjoying it. don't worry, our secrets will be exclusively among the three of us..hehe

and just a few weeks ago, i found new friends because of a training i've undergone.. i know that this is a start of a new friendship and in the near future we will be through a lot.. i hope we can go through it smoothly..hehe..i'm excited on our soon to come adventures..hehe

when boredom strikes...

2006-04-25T21:49:00.000+08:00

boredom is a phase every human being experiences. it is when a person has nothing to do, or is just uninterested in what he or she is currently doing.

most of the students like me, who are not engaged in any summer activity and have no plans of going on a vacation, often experience boredom. and if this boredom persists, it creates certain effects on our system.some of which are listed below:

1.boredom allows you to have 8 hours of sleep (sometimes more than 8 hours).
who wouldn't want to sleep when you know that you have nothing to do all day long? instead of thinking what to do next, i just give myself a good sleep which is such a leisure for me because i'm a night person. like any typical teenager, i'm becomnig active at around 9pm and ends up at around 2am..hehe..

2. boredom attaches you to the television and to your PC.
i can't imagine surviving the summer break without these two things. i can say they are great inventions to lose track of time. from the moment i wake up, what i'll do is to turn on the television and watch all the programs, with sense or without sense. and if i get tired, i'll end up reading blogs of my friends and even those people i barely know. it's interesting and quite inspiring to know that many people have great ideas and good writing skills.

3. boredom gives you the time to reflect and have flashbacks of memories, may it be good or bad.
as of today, i've had my moments to think about things i haven't thought for a long time now because of my very demanding schedule in school. now, i think about very important persons and how my relationships with them are going. sometimes it feels good, sometimes it is stressing.

4. boredom strengthens the bond between you and your family.
every afternoon, my parents and i together with my pet dog, hutch, take a walk around the village and share stories. hehe..that's what you call bonding with exercise, hehe

boredom is not at all negative because it gives us the luxury of time to do things you can't do when you're too busy with other stuff. so enjoy boredom..hehe

2006-04-22T20:34:00.000+08:00

Gaano nga kaya katotoo ang mga signs?

Sila nga kaya ay mensahe mula sa langit,

O di naman kaya ay dulot ng mapagbirong pagkakataon,

O sila ay sadyang gawa-gawa lamang ng mapaglarong kaisipan?

Mahirap ipaliwanag. Mahirap maintindihan. Maraming mga katanungan ang kailangan pang masagot upang mapatunayan kung ito ay dapat paniwalaan o kailangan ng isantabi…

Kadalasan, ang mga signs na ito ay ginagamit natin upang muling bigyang kulay ang ating mga buhay pag-ibig. Pangkaraniwan na nga ito sa mga kabataan ngayon lalo na sa mga kababaihan. May mga pagkakataong nabubuo ang isang relasyon dahil sa paghingi- hingi ng signs at maaari din namang ito na ang magwakas sa isang ang magandang samahan.

Ako ay isa sa marami sa inyong nakaranas na ng mga kakaibang pangyayaring may kaugnayan sa signs. At kahit ako ay nahirapang paniwalaan ang mga sumunod na kaganapan pagkaraan kong humingi ng signs. Minsan kasi sang-ayon ito sa gusto mong mangyari ngunit napakaimposible at malayo na sa katotohanan. Minsan naman ito ay salungat sa iyong iniisip kaya kay hirap tanggapin at tila ba inaalisan ka na ng karapatang umasa pa.

Sa isang pag-uusap namin ng aking kaibigan,ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang karanasan ko sa signs at pagkaraan ay binuksan nya ang kaisipan ko at ibinalik ako sa realidad sa pamamagitan ng pagsasabi ng ganito: Masyado mo lang binibigyan ng meaning ang mga simpleng pangyayari pero sa totoo lang, wala naman itong gustong ipahiwatig. Hindi mo dapat gamitin ito para diktahan ka kung ano ang dapat mong gawin dahil mababaw itong batayan.

Napaisip ako at nasabi ko sa aking sarili na tama nga siya. Hindi ko dapat inaasa ang susunod kong gagawin sa aking buhay sa napakabababaw na signs na yan dahil kahit kanino ay pwede naman itong mangyari.

Hay, ang mga hopeless romantic talaga, ang hilig sa signs! hehe

the long wait is over...

2006-04-06T16:52:00.000+08:00

for the longest time, i didn't manage to update my blog...

you missed many important events in my life...

but there is one thing i don't want you to miss...

ladies and gentlemen,

I SURVIVED MATH 11!!!

it was not easy; i almost failed the subject...

but thanks to the prayers of my family and friends especially to my "review buddies" (together forever)...

thanks for the encouraging and inspiring words you gave, it really helped...

and after all the stressing days and sleepless nights,

i can now say that it is truly SUMMER TIME!!!

enjoy guys...

2006-02-02T13:47:00.000+08:00

February na at malapit na rin mag-Saturday meaning malapit na rin ang birthday ko na sa Saturday na nga...hay, di ko alam kung dapat ba akong matuwa dahil magcecelebrate ako ng birthday ko o dapat akong malungkot kasi marami naman sa mga gusto kong makita sa party na yun eh hindi pupunta...

To tell you honestly, nalulungkot ako ngayon......sobra..... if you can still remember sa past entries ko, nasabi ko dun na magiging kumpleto ang birthday ko kung magcecelebrate with me ang aking friends and family...

A few weeks back, nagsabi ang isang friend ko na hindi siya pupunta sa birthday ko dahil sa personal reasons na naintindihan ko naman at kung ako man siguro yung nasa position nya, di ko na rin siguro gugustuhin pa pumunta sa isang party...

Last Monday, my mom texted me na hindi daw sure ang pagpunta ng relatives namin na closest to me for reasons na may mga obligasyon silang kailangan asikasuhin...

Tuesday, nagtext yung dalawang kabarkada nung high school telling me na hindi sila pupunta dahil strict ang parents nila at hindi sila pinayagan...

Yesterday, nagtext si Joan, a very very close friend that i regard as my sister , saying na hindi pa siya pinapayagan ng mom nya dahil may exam siya ng saturday and sunday which made me cry...

Today, aba akala ko tapos na...nagpakasaya na ko early morning only to find out na magbaback-out pala ang mga close friends ko from the block..wow, ang saya di ba???

wala na bang hahabol para isang buhos na lang! i-boycot ny6o na kaya yung event???

Hay, di niyo lang alam kung gaano kalungkot amg mga nangyayaring ito...Just when i thought that everything was ok, ganito mangyayari...bakit kasi of all people, yung mga malalapit pa sa akin yung hindi pupunta...siguro mas madali matanggap yun kung we're just mere friends..not close friends...

lahat kayo may reasons and i'm trying to understand that... pero kung exams at ka-toxic-an ang dahilan, di naman kayo nag-iisa...toxic din ako...estudyante rin ako...kailangan ko rin mag-aral... kung dahil ba malayo ang dahilan, bakit may ibang tao na pupunta pa rin gaano man kalayo???
kung parents nyo man ang dahilan, bakit sa sobrang malalayong lugar tulad sa Visayas at mas northern part pa ng Luzon nakakarating kayo compared to bulacan na kapitbahay lang ng Maynila??? wala lang, inaanalyze ko lang ang mga bagay-bagay...don't worry, di naman ako galit eh...nagtatanong lang...

Sabi nga ni Freyja: "Hindi naman dalawang beses magde-debut si Rachelle ah...it's just once in a lifetime..."

Tama siya at ayokong pag nagreminisce ako ng 18th birthday ko after several years, maalala ko siya bilang isang event kung saan sobrang lungkot ko at depressed ako...

salamat sa mga taong magtitiyaga at magsasacrifice pa rin pumunta ng bulacan inspite of the threats of the exams and assignments...kay ralph at robert, thank you kanina sa pagconsole sa akin sa school...salamat din sa'yo bebs freyja...

2006-01-26T17:28:00.001+08:00

hi!

hello!

namiss nyo ba ko?

ako, namiss ko kayo...

pasensya na kung di ako naguupdate

may sinalihan kasi akong patimpalak

paamagan ng blogsite...

eh umaasa akong manalo kaya di muna ko nagparamdam...

anyways, life has never changed

still overloaded with paper works and exams...

*********************************************************

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman...
but in a short time, i'll be a natural woman
why?

...because I'm turning 18!!!

A few years back, I was dreaming of how my 18th birthday would go about. Before, I wanted it to be magical. My guests and I all dressed up for a spectacular night like how it is in fairy tales when parties in the kingdom are held.But that was just a dream. In reality, I just want it simple with all my family and friends to spend the night with me...

And now it's here...

and I'm looking forward to it with cold feet....hehe

so musta naman???

2006-01-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

I don't know why am I doing this instead of studying for my long exam tomorrow in Sociology... It's as if the computer really wanted to divert my attention and I can't resist it. oh, temptation!!!!
But more than anything else, I'm really worried about the coming week. As I picture myself, I've come to realize how busy I'll get. With three long exams in a row (all of them are major subjects), how could one afford to smile and say "kaya ko to!!!"

hay!!! so musta naman kaya ang magiging linggo ko??? hmmm...abangan na lang natin ang susunod na kabanata...

the comeback...

2006-01-10T20:31:00.000+08:00

2006 has begun. Everything turned out well for the past 10 days of the new year. We had a post birthday celebration of four people in the block in Yellowcab which is super duper fun... We almost occupied the whole place because we were many,as in many. Just so you can imagine how many we are, we ate four boxes of pizza...wowowow!!!

Everyone in the block is busy right now in their research papers and also reviewing for upcoming long exams. As for me, aside from those mentioned above, I'm also preparing for my debut... I used to hate preparing events like this because i tend to become stressed. But this is somehow different from the usual scenario. I am really enjoying it and luck is on my side right now..May be God really wants me to enjoy my big day...

Aside from the fact that i want my party to run smoothly, sana makapunta rin lahat ng important persons in my life to whom i have shared the past 17 years... kaya mga friends and blockmates, walang mawawala ah...hehe...i'm expecting you to be there....complete attendance...

pasko na!!!

2005-12-24T17:27:00.000+08:00

ang bilis ng panahon..parang kailan lang ay isa pa akong graduating student na takot sa panibagong hamon sa kaniyang buhay...tapos hindi ko na namalayan na sa isang university na pala ko pumapasok...bagong kapaligiran, bagong mga mukha, bagong pakikisalamuha... mabilis ang pag-ikot ng mundo pagtungtong ko sa kolehiyo... hindi ko ramdam ang pagtakbo ng oras kung kaya nga't natapos kaagad ang isang semestre... nagdaan na ang undas at nagsimula na rin ang bagong semestre...at ngayon, bisperas na ng pasko...di ba ang bilis???

isa na siguro ang pasko sa pinakaaabangan kong okasyon sa loob ng isang taon... likas na kasi ang pagiging masaya ng okasyong ito... masarap din ang pakiramdan na nagkikita ang pamilya, kaibigan at iba pang malalapit sa puso natin... naguumapaw din sa mga regalo na tanda ng pagbibigayan...

sabik na ako para bukas... gusto ko nang magbukas... gusto ko ng makita ang mga matagal ko nang hindi nakikita..

kaya naman sa ating lahat,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

a day to remember...

2005-12-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

i never expected this day to be extra special... i woke up like it was just any ordinary day that already passed my life..but then again, this was something extraordinary... i was late for school but my professor came late also. our activity for the day has something to do with candles...parang retreat di ba??

thank you, sorry, i care, i love you... words that are simply neglected these days have brought so much impact to me... since last semester, i have many things in mind that i decided to just keep within myself... i never confronted people since then except for those "topak" days i had where in i blurted out what i felt inside. and i never knew that this will be the moment for me to say what i wanted to say...

i'm very happy... you just don't know how much..masaya ako kasi nasabi ko na sa mga tao yung nararamdaman ko... at least ngayon alam na nila...may mga bagay na na-settle kahit papano..may mga tanong na nasagot...

at sa'yo.. oo sa'yo...salamat kasi inapproach mo na ko.. napagusapan na natin yung negative feelings natin sa isa't isa...ok na ko sa'yo kasi naintindihan ko na where you're coming from..peace na tayo ha...friends??!!

isa pang nagpasaya ng araw ko ay ang DBS Christmas party...kahit medyo rushed ang ginawa naming preparation ay naging successful pa rin... haha..nanalo na naman ang block ko... wow!! super hataw ha!! to the max... special thanks to the participants especially to patrick and robert for teaching us the songs...ayos din ang exchange gifts....kami-kami lang din..haha...

saya ko talaga...sobra..sana kayo din....

bestfriend...

2005-11-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

(matagal ko na rin gustong gumawa at maglaan ng isang entry ukol dito...sa aking palagay ngayon na ang tamang panahon para ibuhos ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko tungkol dito.......)

i know for a fact that all of us have already encountered the term "best friend"... a term that significantly became part of my life for a long time now... i've gone through several best friend relationships by now... i can say that each and every relationship has left and taught me things in life i wouldn't know if not for those special persons i've shared my life with in a deeper sense...

bestfriend- a term that has constantly been complicated for me to understand...confusion strikes me whenever i get to encounter this word...instead of simply being happy with the memories i've shared with my past bestfriends, unanswered questions run through my mind all the time...

*bakit nga kaya di ka maintindihan ng best friend mo na dapat ay nakakaintindi sa'yo dahil siya ang mas nakakakilala sa'yo higit sa lahat ng kaibigan mo???

*bakit nga kaya nagbabago ang relasyon at samahan pag naging magbest friend na kayo??? mas dumarami ang expectations and demands na nagdudulot ng mas maraming conflicts later on...

*bakit nga kaya technically isa lang dapat ang bestfriend mo??? bakit hindi tatlo o apat na walang nangyayaring gulo o nabubuong issue sa pagitan ng bawat isa...

*bakit nga kaya may best friend na best friend lang sa tawagan??? bakit may ibang hindi kayang panindigan ang pinasok nilang commitment?

*bakit may ibang tao na ginagamit ang pagiging magbest friend as a stepping stone to be able to move to the next level??? gets nyo ba??? may mga lalaki kasing ang style ng panliligaw ay yung bestfriend-muna-tayo-para-may-strong-foundation-ang-ating-possible-relationship...
ang pangit di ba?? pero totoo...

*kapalaran ko na kaya na lagi na lang ipagpalit ng best friend ko?? tipong binigay mo na lahat sa best friend mo, pero it seems na parang kulang pa rin sa kanya...

hay...and here i go again...i went home to bulacan yesterday filled with excitement to talked to my best friend...when we talked, he seemed so sad and i felt it... i asked him why but he was hesitant to tell me..after quite some time, i understood the reason why...kaya naman pala...nag-away sila ng isa pa niyang best friend at nagconfess din sya na may isa pa siyang bestfriend...so all-in-all, tatlo ang besfriend niya... wala naman sa kin kung ilan ang bestfriend nya eh...ako rin naman maraming best friends...haha, siguro may ibang taong tataas ang kilay dahil sa pagkakaroon ko ng maraming best friend...pero di naman talaga maiiwasan un di ba?? iba-iba naman kasi ng level ang mga best friend ko eh...going back to the topic, ang nakakainis lang, he seemed so affected with what's happening with his relationship to his other bestfriend and yet it's as if he didn't care to fix our rocky relationship...pinagmalaki pa niya sa 'kin kung paano sya nageffort makatext lang yung isa pa nyang best friend samantalang ako hindi man lang niya maalala itext for a week...waaahhhhh.......nakakainis lang talaga...bitter ko di ba?? ang pagiging magbest friend ay higit pa sa boy-girl relationship...mas higit ang expectations pero may pagkakapareho din sila...

hay..27 na..bestfriend's day namin ngayon..i don't know kung dapat ko ba 'to i-celebrate o ito na rin ang araw na kailangan ko na siyang i-give up para mag-give way sa iba nyang best friend???

somebody...

2005-11-26T23:18:00.001+08:00

i want somebody to share
share the rest of my life
share my innermost thoughts
know my intimate details
someone who'll stand by my side
and give me support
and in return he'll get my support

he will listen to me when I want to speak
about the world we live in and life in general
though my views may be wrong
they may even be perverted
he will hear me out and won't easily be converted
to my way of thinking
in fact he'll often disagree
but at the end of it all he will understand me

i want somebody who cares for me passionately
with every thought and with every breath
someone who'll help me see things in a different light
and the things I detest I will almost like

i don't want to be tied to anyone's strings
i'm carefully trying to steer clear of those things
but when I'm asleep
i want somebody who will put their arms around me
and kiss me tenderly
though things like this make me sick
in a case like this I'll get away with it.

**********************************************
senti noh?? wala lang...hopeless romantic mode na naman ako eh...

several days ago, as i turned on the radio, i heard this song that i love so much... it's a song that best describes what i really wanted in a man...i guess many of you also wanted "somebody" who could fill out your emptiness...someone who could accept your imperfections and just embrace you for who you are...

ever since i've known the concept of love, i have started praying that someday, somewhere in time i'll find someone who'se willing to share a lifetime with me in sweetness and in sorrow... i hope that you, my readers, would also pray for the "one"... believe me, it works...

no one falls in love by choice, it's by chance...

totally unpredictable...

2005-11-24T16:48:00.001+08:00

yesterday, i've got the chance to rest and sleep well because we have no class... it's fun to make my friends (especially shishu...hahaha ) envious of me just because they have to go to school while i'm having my long-day sleep... after trina and shishu's classes, we decided to go to SM san lazaro to buy christmas decors for our christmas tree (which i think is so cute!! haha)... the whole trip turned out to be a real adventure... it started when we rode a jeepney not reading the sign where it was going...we just assumed that it was going somewhere in UST. aside from the fact that sm san lazaro is situated near UST, we were totally clueless how to get there. we got off the vehicle in a place familiar to us. then the long walk started. A.H. Lacson, an avenue i can't forget. why??? because now i know how long this road is, we walk for almost 15 minutes to get there, to SM. and finally, we saw the light!!! haha...

shopping is so fun to do..it releases all the stresses and worries. and yes it's true, it pays off to walk a seemingly never-ending road just to have a bag of christmas decors and other stuffs when you walk out of the mall.

the adventure doesn't end there... we also planned to go to divisoria after that. we were already quite hesitant because it's 5:55 pm and we're aware how dangerous and risky it is in that place when night comes... but the risk and danger didn't stop us... again, we rode a jeep and in just a few minutes we're there... we went to 168 and then we asked the closing time of the mall, they said it's 7 pm and when we checked our watches it's already 6:20 pm... so we didn't waste our time and just shop, shop, shop...haha...

we really enjoyed yesterday... with just a small amount of money, we were able to satisfy our cravings for new pairs of jeans, tops and belts compared to those branded items you would find in malls...and because of that, we promised to go back next time...

***********************************************************

compared to yesterday, i can say that this day is just so annoying... i really don't know the reason behind this but it ruined my day... maybe my moodswing is attacking once more that i am easily irritated by petty things... early this morning, i was 10 minutes late for my first class.. considering how near my place is to school disturbed me... it wasn't my plan and i'm not the type who intend to make absences or be late in class....

during class, i try to cope with the discussion because i'm late... and here it goes again, as i try to focus with the lesson, my blockmates started to chat with their friends about the latest happenings... the noise was so irritating and it got through my veins...i started to get pissed off but i still tried to deal with it... and after the continuous conversations each group have(which seems to be very urgent for them that they can't wait to finish class to be able to share it), i decided to sit beside those who seemed interested with what prof. fagela is saying to avoid conflict with them, so to give them the freedom to do what they want and for me to do what i want...after class, i went home to cool down... i slept for a while thinking that the reason behind being irritable is lack of sleep. i went back to school after one and a half hour wishing and hoping that the irritation already subsided...but i think i knew myself really well regarding this matter...fyi: when i get irritated by someone, something or by anything, it takes a while and i guess not a day at least for it to subside... so i decided to continue isolating myself to my circle of friends to avoid passing on to them the feeling i have...everbody noticed what i did... i guess...

sorry for this day... just try to understand... i know you have this bad day too... let it pass... maybe tomorrow i'll be the same again...and maybe tomorrow, i'll be the noisy one once more...
don't worry, i'm not angry with all of you... the noise just pissed me off...

-the end-

well...well...well...

2005-11-13T19:01:00.000+08:00

parang ang bilis lang ng araw noh??? walong araw na pala ang nakakaraan nung huli akong magblog...aba! matagal na rin pala kong hindi nagboblog... pasensya na dear readers and visitors...sadyang sinusumpong lang ako ng katamaran kaya di ako nakakagawa ng entry...

at dahil sa inamag na itong site ko, iuupdate ko na lang kayo sa mga kaganapan sa aking buhay...
*november 8
enrollment namin...first time naming magkita ng mahal kong mga blockmates..bakas sa aming mga mukha ang kasiyahan at excitement...ngunit bago pa yun ay naglunch ako with my other friends... after enrollment naman nagyaya si kuya jr sa sm san lazaro (o di ba napaghahalatang ang layas ko??)...naglibot kami at sinamahan din namin sya mag-grocery..kaya naman may libreng dinner kami sa kanilang bahay..tnx to ate --- (sorry i forgot the name..hehe) for the delicious adobo...wow..real food!!!

*november 9
maaga ako gumising kasi i have to go to the OUR to pay for my tuition fee as well as the tuition fee of my beloved friends... after that, nagbonding kami ni shishu sa grocery...enjoy talaga!!! this was also a memorable day since my friend and i went out..we ate lunch together and watch flightplan...so much for the bonding time...

*november 10
it was our first day in class...ms. barcelona will be our teacher in socio1... hope it will be a good sem for us...i'm just hoping for the best... and as a first day tradition, most of the professors didn't show up... so what's new?? after which, i met a friend and talked about matters of his heart..haha..kanya lang talaga noh?? haha...and we executed a surprise plan for someone special to him...how sweet!!! my dear friends, if someday my special someone will ask for your help, don't hesitate please 'coz i love surprises so much....hehe..labo...

*november 11
as usual, maaga na naman ang dismissal kaya naman after ng lunch sa karate kid ay napagdesisyunan naming tumambay at magmovie marathon sa aking unit...wow..i love my 'kada...sayang may ibang wala like my bebz and ms. ward 7... i enjoyed pusoy dos in bed while camwhoring...wahaha... at nagpaka-sentimental din kami dahil sa pag-ibig...hehe...ang saya di ba??? sana next time sleep over naman...hehe

at ngaun bagong linggo na naman ang darating....bagong karansan...bagong alaala...kailan na naman kaya ang susunod kong entry..sana sipagin na ko..hehe..(fingers crossed!!!)

disney stars...

2005-11-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

mickey, minnie and me...

2005-11-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

patikim pa lang toh..just wait for my next entry about my hongkong trip...okei???

FOR YOU....

2005-10-24T14:40:00.000+08:00

i miss you all so much... hope you're having a good time and spending your sembreak productively..don't be a bum..keep moving... i love you all...i miss you...

isang pagninilay....

2005-10-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

S-E-M-B-R-E-A-K

dati rati, noong ako'y nasa mataas na paaralan pa lamang, christmas at summer vacation lamang ang aking naranasan...wala naman sa aking bokabularyo noon ang salitang ito... ngunit ng magdatingan ang patong-patong na gawain, mga proyekto at exams, wala na ngang ibang bukang bibig ang mga iskolar ng bayan kundi "sembreak"...

para sa karamihan, ito'y isang panahong pinakaabangan ng bawat mag-aaral sa kolehiyo.isang pagkakataon upang mabigyan ng sapat na panahon upang maipahinga ang mga pagod na kaisipan at katawan mula sa mahaba-habang panahon ng pagsusunog ng kilay upang matamo lamang ang mga markang kaaya-aya sa ating mga mata gayundin para sa mga mata ng iba pang makakakita...

ngunit ngayong dumating na siya, hindi ko inaasahang ganito katindi ang magiging pagnanasa kong tumuntong muli sa unibersidad.nais ko nang muling pumasok.nalulunod na ako sa pagkainip dahil wala namang ibang magawa sa bahay o dahil sa ayaw ko lang humanap ng gagawin.sa bahay, gagawin mo lang kung ano ang nais mo di tulad sa paaralan kung saan obligado kang maging produktibo...

maraming pang mga dahilan kung bakit nais ko nang magbalik-eskwela. narito ang ilan sa mga iyon:

*iba ang pakiramdam na may regular allowance na
natatanggap mula sa iyong mga magulang

*namimiss ko na ang bahay namin sa maynila at ang
pakiramdam na independent ako

*gusto ko nang muling mahawakan ang aming computer ni
shishu kung saan nagagawa ko lahat ng nais kong gawin
tulad ng sound tripping, paglalaro ng zuma at tumblebugs, lalo
na ang pagpapatuloy ng paggawa ng aking much awaited
surprise

*namimiss ko na rin ang mga iba ko pang friends from
CYA tulad nila kuya jr, myre, andrea, essel, aaron,
elliot, jessica, irish, mark, kuya john q atbp.

*nais kong magkaroon muli ng study sessions tuwing umaga
bago magdepartmental exam sa math kasama ang aking
beloved blockmates,gayundin ang sessions ko with
shishu, myre, ivan, kuya jr tuwing may mga long exams
kami...iba talaga ang nagagawa ng group study...

*gusto kong maglakad uli sa padre faura at libutin muli
ang robinson's habang nagkukwentuhan kasabay ng
paghahanap ng masarap na makakainan

*higit sa lahat, miss ko na ang aking blockmates
especially the people close to me..

sa lahat ng nangyayari ngayon gusto ko pa ring magpasalamat sa Diyos dahil nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makasama uli ang aking mahal na magulang...kaya kayo din, make the most out of this time to bond with them before we go back to work a few weeks from now...o di ba ang senti?? haha...

mahaba-haba pa ang tatakbuhin ng sembreak na ito...kailangan ko makaisip ng iba pang mapagkakaabalahan...buti na lang ang susunod na linggo'y tiyak na magiging makulay...

gays aren't as bad as they may seem...

2005-10-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

since i've entered the gates of UP manila, i've been in contact with people, mostly guys who are not as good looking as they think they are, who hate gays so much that just the thought of these homosexuals make them feel yucky up to their barest bones...

i thought that upon advancing to the next chapter of my life (level-up?? haha), it would be a different scenario when it comes to dealing with narrow-minded individuals...

i really don't get the point why they hate those homosexuals who have nothing to do with them...homosexuals who just want to be true to themselves are being judged by young adults who have no reason at all for being annoyed to them...doesn't this situation show how brat these human beings are???

i've always believed that every creature here on earth has a purpose for living...even the smallest creature has its reason for existence... therefore, who are we to judge people just because they are not acting the way we want them to be??? who are we to say that they are just burdens of society and cannot be productive in any way they can...

homosexuals are still creatures of our LORD... He is the only One capable of giving "criticisms" to His own masterpiece...we should give due respect and courtesy to everyone we encounter in our journey called life...

___________________________________________________________________
*gays make me laugh*

scene 1:
as i was waiting for my mom to finish her session in the salon, the gay hairdresser kept on telling stories about their customer who made a scene the other day...

mom: "so ano nangyari pagkatapos mong gupitan yung anak niya??"
(take note na yung anak eh 30 yrs old na at may sarili nang anak ngunit sinasamahan at dinidiktahan pa rin ng kanyang mahal na ina pagdating sa pagpapagupit..)
bading: "aba'y bigla ba namang nag-historical dahil hindi daw yun ung gusto niyang gupit para sa kanyang beloved daughter achoo-choo-choo..."
(remember: HISTORICAL- pag nagwawala sa isang pampublikong lugar ang isang tao dahil sa isang bagay na hindi niya nagustuhan)

scene 2:
sa salon pa rin, may isang customer na nagpablow-dry ng buhok dahil daw magpapastudio picture siya...sabi ni hairdresser....

hairdresser: madamme, pa-make-up ka na rin kasi sayang naman ang blowdry ng buhok mo kung mukha kang multo sa pagkaputla...baka hindi ka matanggap sa japan nyan...

customer: ay hindi ok lang magpapowder na lang ako..

hairdresser: ay naku ma'm, naalala ko ung anak ng dati naming customer na nagpapicture sa studio dahil ipapadala sa tatay niya sa ibang bansa..sa personal ang ganda ng bata, blue-eyed pa siya...pero ang pangit nya sa picture, naka-twinklebelle costume pa naman siya...
(remember again: TWINKLEBELLE- siya yung fairy na kasama ni peterpan sa neverland)

hehe..wala lang..ang corni..ang babaw..pasensya na, mababaw lang talaga ko...haha...

why is this so???

2005-10-15T23:47:00.000+08:00

a few days ago, i've got a strange call from someone.. it was really unexpected that i wasn't able to concentrate in what i'm doing after that call... i can't understand his reasons for calling me again after so long a time,after what had happened... i don't know what motivated him to do so...

even though i feel awkward about it, i still entertained his text messages and calls without knowing where we're going to and where the conversation will lead us...

he asked for forgiveness, i forgave him..
he explained the reasons behind his actions, i accepted them...
he asked me if i consider him my friend, i said yes...
he suggested that we set rules for our relationship to work, i said do it by himself...

i can't help but think if he's just using me because he just broke up with his girlfriend the night before he called me which is already a routine... out of curiosity, i asked him if he really meant his apology or it's just a tactic from him to ease the pain, to get out of boredom or he really wanted me back as his friend...he said that it was just coincidental that he called me the day after the break up...though i believe in coincidence, i'm not a fool to believe what he said...

USER!!! USER!!! USER!!!

when i arrived home in bulacan, he called me up again... we talked but it had no sense at all...i wasn't as enthusiastic as before..i didn't feel excited after a long time that we haven't talked...there wasn't any spark that moved me...

that was the time i realized that things will never be the same again...there was a cold atmosphere...there was a barrier hindering me to be close to him once more...

i am a self- confessed risk-taker, but this time i know i've gone so far..far enough to risk my happiness again...

*i've given you all the chances you need, but you never did appreciate it... you wasted everything with your careless actions..and now, i've come to the point where i don't feel the same way like before...i think this is it, the start of the end...but if ever my mind will change, just accept me with open arms the same way i did several times when you come running back after hurting me...

haha...funny...

2005-10-11T13:26:00.000+08:00

hahaha...nakakatawa talaga...its about my blog early this morning...
natawa ko sa reaksyon ng mga taong nakabasa na ng entry ko especially grace and gia...
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.........................

alam nyo kasi di ko inakalang seseryosohin nyo ung entry ko na yun...
it wasn't meant to be a sentimental entry...
hahaha...it has nothing to do with my studies or love life or any serious matter...

it has something to do with the chat i had with jannel last night or should i say early this morning....
(o david wag kang magtampo...iba pa yung conference nating tatlo tsaka yung personal conversation namin ni jannel..haha..inuunahan na kita baka sabihin mo nakalimutan kita..haha...) eh pano ba naman kasi habang ligayang-ligaya ko sa mga pangyayari, etong si jannel bigla ba naman akong hiniritan..at sa isang iglap..biglang gumuho at naglaho ang ngiti sa aking mga labi...akala ko pa naman early bird na ko, yun pala...i'm one of the slowest bird....when i say slow i mean very slow!!! huhu....

so yun yung pinatututngkulan ng entry na yun...wala itong kinalaman sa aking pagaaral ok??? hehehe...ang babaw nung dahilan ko sa pagsusulat ng entry kong yun..well anyway..salamat pa rin sa concern guys...love you all.........

btw, before i forget... it is a very special day because someone is celebrating her birthday today...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRACE!!!!

you're one of the first few people that i've been close to in our block...
you're such a sweet and cute girl that's been dear to me...
i can never forget all the little secrets we've shared and i hope we'll share a lot more of those...kaya nga sana you'll change you're mind and stay in UPM na lang...
but if my prayers won't work, i'll surely miss your laughter and the girl na hindi na yata nauubusan ng mga hirit... i wish na ngayong seventeen ka na eh maging mabilis ka na sa pagpick-up ng mga jokes..tama na ang mga pa-slow effect..haha...and i also pray that someday you'll find the right guy that will give you love and happiness...we love you grace!!!!

quote of the day....

2005-10-11T01:59:00.000+08:00

"the early bird cathes the early worm..."

paniwalang paniwala na sana ko sa kasabihang ito dahil sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko..nang bigla ba namang may isang balitang nagpagunaw sa aking panaginip..oo tama..nabubuhay pala ko sa isang panaginip na magaling na ko..di pa pala..sad to say, di nabigyang katuparan ang pangarap ko..huhu..oh well, la na kong magagawa...

bitter sweet ang araw na ito...unahin ko muna yung sweet...natuwa ako sa finals ko sa history3 kasi ang dali nya..sobra...sana nga lang magustuhan ng aking prof ang aking mga pinagsasagot..bitter kasi feeling ko bagsak ako sa math..ang hirap kaya..prang di ako nagaral!!

sana naman pumasa ko sa exam kahit papano...

2005-10-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

i'm not in the mood to blog these days because i'm so pre-occupied with many things concerning my studies...hope you understand...

although there are several events that made me smile the past days, there are also events that made me frown...i just want to share some thoughts and happenings that made my world go 'round...

1) the long wait is over...lumabas na yung class standing namin sa socsci and histo 3... ung una, maganda naman..exempted karamihan sa min...ung pangalawa, pang-asar! essay na nga lang ang mga long exam eh di pa ko na-exempt! hmp..asar talaga pero la na ko magagawa...

2) exam week na nga...at naging magandang reason un para makapag-bonding kami ng friends ko not coming from my block especially with shishu, ivan, myre and jr... i really enjoy the kulitan moments we shared kahit na ngarag na tayong lahat sa tambak tambak na requirements at reviewers natin...i'm looking forward with more bonding sessions with you guys!!!

3) may maganda rin pa lang maidudulot ang paggawa ng behsci...we (me with eric and sarah) were assigned to talk about the family at di naiwasan na mapagusapan yung pamilya namin..sobrang natameme ako at hindi ko na namalayang napadasal na pala ko sa sobrang pagpapasalamat na binigyan Nya kong isang napakasayang pamilya...ngunit ito rin ang nagbigay sa kin ng kaba dahil di ko alam kung may kapalit ang lahat ng 'to..sana naman wala... masyadong naging mabait sa kin si Lord at alam kong hindi ako ganun ka-deserving sa lahat ng mayroon ako ngayon lalo na pagdating sa mga magulang...they're really gifts from Heaven...

4) ngayon ko lang napagtanto at napatunayan na iba-iba talaga ang uri ng kaibigan..mayroong kaibigang kasama mo sa tawana pero hanggang dun na lang yun...mayroon namang kaibigan na para bang walang pakialam basta ok na sya...ngunit mayroon talagang namumukod tangi sa lahat...humagulgol ka man dahil sa isang bagay na alam mong di mo naman ikamamatay,nandyan pa rin sila para suyuin, amuin at pagaanin ang tila ba sasabog mo nang damdamin...kung sino pa yung hindi mo inaasahang gagawa ng mga bagay na ikasasaya mo, sila pa yung walang alinlangang magbibigay nito...sana lahat tayo maging isang tunay na kaibigan para sa isa't isa... at para sa mga tunay na kaibigan, isa talga kayong diamante sa buhay namin..."diamonds last forever"

5) mabigat loob ko ngayon, di ko na naman syempre maipaliwanag...siguro kailangan ko lang maging cool and relaxed inspite of the things happening around...maybe something better is to come my way...

hanggang dito na lang..alam ko walang kwenta ang entry ko ngayon..pagtiyagaan nyo na...

parang kailan lang...

2005-09-29T15:45:00.000+08:00

ilang araw na rin ang nakalipas nang huli akong nagpost ng entry sa aking blog...maraming kadahilanan ang maari kong mabanggit sa inyo na naging sanhi ng pangyayaring ito..at ang pinakamabigat na dahilan sa lahat ay dahil toxic kami...oo..tama! toxic nga kami...eh pano ba naman, santambak ang mga exams, requirements at kung ano-ano pa na para bang wala ng bukas..sobrang nakakapagod...

pero bakit ganun? ang bilis ng panahon...biruin mo, patapos na ang isang sem ng aking college life.. yehey!!! pitong sem na lang at graduate na kami..konting tiis na lang...kidding aside, nabibigla ako na ang bilis lumipas ng panahon...at sa pagtakbo ng panahon, mas lalong tumitindi ang bulung-bulungan na marami sa aking block ang magshi-shift, magta-transfer at magma-migrate sa ibang campus..at sa totoo lang, the thought of it makes me sad...kahit na minsan may mga tampuhan, hindi pa rin matutumbasan nun yung saya na nararamdaman ko pag kasama ko kayo..kayo, kayong lahat na part ng behsci block 6 lalo na yung mga taong lagi kong kasama...

"bakit nga ba kasi kailangan pa lumipat eh magandang program rin naman ang behsci?"

isa sa mga linyang paulit- ulit kong tinatanong sa sarili ko ngunit wala akong makitang malinaw na kasagutan... at para matahimik na lamang ang nababagabag kong kalooban, sinasagot ko na lang ito ng ganito:

"siguro nga hindi ito ang makapagpapasaya sa kanila...siguro hakbang lang 'to para sa ikapagtatagumpay nila...at siguro nga it ang mas makakabuti para sa kanila..."

ayokong maging selfish at ayokong mag-control sa buhay ng iba, and so para sa mga taong gusto at may balak na umalis sa program, pagisipan ninyong mabuti...hindi madaling desisyon ang inyong gagawin pero sana ay maging masaya kayo sa kahit anog kalalabasan nito...

last chance...

2005-09-20T08:51:00.000+08:00

This is my last dance with you
This is my only chance to do all I can do
To let you know that what I feel for you is real

This is the last chance for us
This is the moment that I just cannot let end
Before I know that there’s a chance we’re more than friends

So don’t let go, don’t let go
Make it last all night
This is my last chance to make you mine

I kept my feelings so deep
I kept my dreams of you and me somewhere inside
Although I prayed that you would see it in my eyes

But this is my last chance to say
What’s in my heart before you stay out of my life
And then you’ll understand the way I feel inside

So hold me close cause it feels so right
This is my last chance to make it mine
Make this dream reality
So close and yet so far
Gotta find a way into your heart
Gotta speak my mind
Gotta open up to you this time
I can’t let you slip away tonight

This is my last dance with you
This is my only chance to do all I can do
To let you know that what I feel for you is so real
So don’t let go
Just make it last all night long
This is my last chance to make you mine, yeah
To make you mine

kung nababasa mo lang sana 'to...

2005-09-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

Anything for you
Though you’re not here
Since you said we’re through
It seems like years
Time keeps draggin on and on
And forever’s been and gone
Still I can’t figure what went wrong

I’d still do anything for you
I’ll play your game
You hurt me through and through
But you can have your way

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though you’ll never see me cryin’
You know inside I feel like dying

And I’d do anything for you
In spite of it all
I’ve learned so much from you
You made me strong
But don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

I hope you find someone to please you
Someone who’ll care and never leave you
But if that someone ever hurts you
You just might need a friend to turn to

And I’d do anything for you
I’ll give you up
If that’s what I should do
To make you happy

I can pretend each time I see you
That I don’t care and I don’t need you
And though inside I feel like dying
You know you’ll never see me crying

Don’t you ever think that I don’t love you
That for one minute I forgot you
But sometimes things don’t work out right
And you just have to say goodbye

********************************************************************

jologs ng kanta no?? oo na pero wala akong pakialam.

para sa 'yo to...lam mo na kung sino ka..pero kahit naman anong pagsasabihin ko dito eh hindi mo pa rin naman malalaman kung ano nararamdaman ko dahil in the first place eh hindi mo alam na nagbblog na pala ko...haha

labo noh?? oo kasing labo mo!

bakit ba kasi ang sama mo sa 'kin?? hindi ko alam kung sinasadya mong gawin sa 'kin lahat ng ginagawa mo o napipilitan ka lang gawin yun dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal mo sa gf mo..

"he doesn't deserve you.."

"kalimutan mo na sya..."

"you deserve to be happy and you'll only be happy when you try to forget a man like him"

not only once did my friends told me these lines...i know in my mind that they're right.i'm becoming stupid when i try to tolerate what he's doing and accepting him everytime he apologizes for what he has done in the past. yes, i am stupid. but i just don't know how to resist a man that has become so close to my heart. he's so dear to me since i consider him my bestfriend. from the very beginning, i've fought for him. seriously fought for him. i risked losing my closest friend, a friend i regard as my sister, for him...but it seems he doesn't care about it...

naging routine na nga ng friendship namin ang paghihiwalay at pagrereconcile ulit. para sa ibang nakakaalam ng kwentong ito ng buhay ko, tiyak na sawang-sawa na kayo sa mga bitter-sweet feelings na nararamdaman ko for him. pilitin ko man na iwasan sya,i can't help but save our friendship. it's something i really treasure, ewan ko na lang sa kanya.o di naman kaya, sadyang katangahan na lang talaga 'tong ginagawa ko.

confused. feeling stupid. disturbed. weak. numb. sorry. irritated. cheap.
<---these are some words to describe how i feel right now. mabigat sya sa pakiramdam. i want to scream. i want to cry. i want to get even with him. pero di ko magawa. ayokong gawin. loser ang kalalabasan ko nito eh. hehe..hindi pa ba???

"kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan..."

iyan na lang ang nasabi ko sa kanya pagkatapos nyang sabihin ang speech nya sa kin. simple kung babasahin mo lang. pero mabigat na pahayag yan. sabi nga nya: "wag ka na mangonsensya." excuse me, for your information , di ako nangongonsensya..bato bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit...

anyway, kung ano man ang dahilan mo, hindi man maliwanag sa kin ang lahat, talikuran mo man ako ng ganun-ganun na lang na wala man lang akong kalaban-laban eh tatanggapin ko pa rin yun(lagi naman di ba??)kasi gusto ko lagi kang masaya lalo na sa mga desisyon mo...alam ko pinagisipan mo tong ginawa mo kahit na hanggang ngayon eh di ko pa rin mahanapan ng dahilan para ulitin mo na naman ang bagay na minsan mo nang ginawa sa kin..actually di pala minsan, paulit ulit mo na pa lang ginawa sa kin...

siguro ipagpapasa-Diyos na lang kita...di ko na kasi talaga alam kung ano pang kailangan kong ibigay at isakripisyo para sa 'yo para lang maging masaya ka..masyado na kong nagpaka-dakila..sa ngayon tama na muna siguro yun..next time naman ulit..haha..joke!!

pero gaya nga ng sabi sa kanta, i'd still do anything for you...when i say it i mean it..call my name, i'll be there though it will never be the same...never again..siguro i'll treat you fairly and justly but i will never again give my all to you as my friend...maybe a part is enough...

*para sa mga nakakabasa: pagpasensyahan nyo na kung masyado madrama..kailangan ko lang talaga mailabas to kung hindi sasabog ako...pagbigyan nyo na ko, kahit ngayon lang...

buti na lang tapos na...

2005-09-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

my day was really unexplainable...

full of emotions..full of fear, thrill and cheer...

pag gising ko pa lang bangag na ko dahil tatlong oras lang ang tulog ko. imagine that? considering na i have a dept exam today but still, i have to wake up early because i have to study algebra and geometry with my study buddies namely jannel, patrick, david and gia...huhu...poor gurl q...

i'm also so stressed and pressured due to the batch presentation we haven't accomplished yet...pinipilit pa namin kami ni prof. fagela na makasama dun..sana di na lang..at dahil dun may mga tao pa akong nasungitan na di naman dapat... to you guys, sorry...i didn't mean it..please understand because i'm not the type of person who can exude grace under pressure. sorry tlaga especially to robert...

but the long day is over and it ended so well...knowing na tapos na yung math dept is such a relief.. isa pa nanalo na naman kami.. wahaha..daig namin ang upper batches sa pagbebenta sa DBsoria..astig talaga...hehehe..keep it up guys at alam ko pag pinagpatuloy natin 'to ay malayo ang mararating natin...hehe...

*gusto ko ring pasalamatan si gia sa pagpapasaya sa araw ko na sobrang toxic..hehe..salamat sa pagkakauntog mo sa poste, sa mga hirit mong kwela na patok na patok tulad ng "we got the most sells"..hehe..peace..luvyah girl...

group study...effective nga kaya???

2005-09-08T16:24:00.000+08:00

isang tanong na bumabagabag sa akin ngayon ay kung malaking tulong nga kaya ang pag-aaral kasama ang iyong mga mahal na kaibigan para sa parating na departmental exam...

natatakot ako kasi parang wala pa kong alam para sa exam kasi naman nahihilo ko pag nagtuturo si ma'm...waaahhh......ayoko bumagsak....

salamat na lang talaga at naisipan nila gia, grace, jannel, david, ralph sa pamumuno ni patrick na mag-group study. in fairness, madami akong natutunan. magsabay- sabay ba naman kaming lahat sa pagshe-share ng ideas eh panong di dadami un...

pero sana talaga maging maganda ang kalabasan ng aming exam para naman masulit ang effort ng bawat isa sa pag-aaral naming ito.

*sana nga pala nag-enjoy kayo sa napakasimpleng lunch na pinagsaluhan natin kanina... salamat gia sa iced tea made out of love...haha..

ang sermon ni nanay...bow!!!

2005-09-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

"hindi pwede...hindi pwedeng laging ganyan..."

tanging iyan na lamang ang mga nasabi ko pagkaraang kong marinig ang hirit ni ralph na ganito:

"dito na lang ako... magbabantay na lang ako..."

hay, para akong isang ina na nabigla at napabulalas ng isang sermon para sa kanyang munting anak. hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro dala na rin ng matinding pagod at dahil na rin sa tagal ng aking mga kaklase na sumunod sa sinasabi ko.

ngunit nabigla rin ako ng husto sa naging reaksyon nila. umalingawngaw ang tawanan sa lugar kung saan kami naroroon. ilang beses inulit- ulit ang mahiwagang pariralang ito. daig pa ang sirang plaka. nawindang talaga ako at hindi ko inakalang magiging isang malaking usap-usapan ito para sa aking mga minamahal na blockmates.

at least di ba may pantapat na ko sa hirit ni J na "GOYS!!!" at naiparating ko pa sa inoy na ako talaga ang dakila nyong ina na handang sumupil sa mga kasutilan nyo...hehe..peace to all... especially kay ralph, walang personalan dun sa sermon ko sa 'yo kanina. we just have to be fair and just all the time...

corregidor day!!!!

2005-09-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

it was such a blast!!!

everything started with a very extreme feeling of nervousness.. nervousness because in a matter of minutes, i won't be able to join my beloved blockmates in this wonderful adventure... why??? simple. i woke up late..late as in late...6:30 ako nagising and i need to be in the port at 7 am..o di ba??? daig ko pa si darna sa bilis ko kumilos kanina..pati nga yung taxi driver kinakabahan na sa kin dahil pine-pressure ko na sya eh...

chelle: "manong, aabot pa ba ko??? sa tingin mo kaya pa???"

driver: "wag ka mag-aalala, aabot ka pa...wag ka masyado kabahan kasi pati ako di na makahinga dahil sa 'yo eh"

pero salamat na rin sa kanyang encouraging words dahil nabibigyan talaga ako ng pag-asa na makaksama ko pa ang blockmates ko sa corregidor...at yun na nga... umabot ako...di pa nga sila naka-board nung dumating ako eh...nakapag-picture taking pa kami...hehe...

when we were in the boat, the rain fell...medyo na-dissapoint kami because it will limit the fun we're about to have...kaya naman si jannel ay biglang humirit ng:

rain, rain go away come again another day because it's corregidor day

pagdating namin sa corregidor, gumaan talaga pakiramdam ko kasi nahilo talaga ako ng sobra sa boat...masyadong maalon...pero nakarecover naman ako nung na-meet ko na ang aming tour guide na c sir ramon..he's so cooooooooolllllllllll...di ko nga inexpect na ganun sya kakulit...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

actually, wala talga ako masyado na-absorb na knowledge from corregidor (loser!!!) pero it was so fun dahil naguumapaw sa flash ng camera ang araw na ito...ang daming pictures...hehehe... kahjit saan yata eh nagpakuha kami ng picture...

to sum it all up, enjoy pa rin ang aming corregidor trip kahit na inulan kami habang nanghuhuli ng maliliit na crabs sa seashore...hahaha...masaya pa rin kasi bonding to the max ang block... masaya kasi masaya eh... (pakialam mo ba??? hehe...)

*sana next time makasama na rin namin yung ibang blockmates namin na di nakasama like jessica, jonathan ,mabel and anna...miss you guys...

di ko inakala...

2005-09-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

di ko inakala na mangyayari sa 'tin ang ganito...

di ko inkala na darating tayo sa puntong ito...

di ko inakala na kakayanin natin ang lahat ng ito...

di ko inakala na magtatagumpay tayo sa ating adhikain...

di ko inakala na magkakaroon tayo ng isang libong piso(plus gift packs from frenzy!!!)

di ko inakala na mapipili tayo...

waaaaahhhh.... BEH SCI, we're just so great!!!! haha...

congratulations everyone....

ang galing talaga ng block natin...

ipagpatuloy nyo ang magandang gawain....

patunayan niyo na lubha kayong magagaling...

basta't sama-sama at nagkakaisa, lahat ay kayang-kaya!!!

i'm proud of you GUYS!!! (with salute..hehe)

masaya? malungkot? malabo!!!

2005-09-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

Pagkaraan ng mga nangyari noong mga nakalipas na araw, hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman. In short, naguguluhan ako.

Una, masaya ako sa mga nangyari nung gabi ng debut ni freyja hanggang kinabukasan pa nun. Sobrang puro tawanan at kulitan kasi naganap noon. Hindi ko talaga ma-explain yung happiness na bumalot sa kin that night. Super duper hyper pa naman ako nun kaya talagang todo kami sa kakulitan..

Pero talaga bang lahat ng bagay may katapusan?? Nag-eexist na ba ngayon ang kasabihang “after the sun comes the rain”?? kasi pagkatapos ng lahat ng positive events, nagkaroon ako ng feeling na there’s something going on that I don’t know which makes me feel bad. Tulad ng nasusulat sa itaas, unexplainable pa rin ang feeling kong ito. Hindi ko alam kung ito’y pawang katotohanan o haka-haka lamang…

Alam kong iba iba ang maaring idulot ng mga naganap sa aming samahan bilang magkakaibigan depende sa pananaw na nangingibabaw sa aming mga utak. Pero hangad kong ang karanasang naranasan namin sa makati shangri-la ay makapagpatibay pa sa aming samahan.

* kung mali man ang nararamdaman ko, maaari nyo po itong sabihin sa akin upang tuluyan akong maliwanagan. Hindi ko na kailangan ipaliwanag pa ang mga pahayag ko sa itaas dahil ito’y tila karugtong lamang ng isinulat ni freyja na pinamagatang “secrets”.

sleepless night...

2005-09-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

maybe you’re wondering why I had a sleepless night. well, it’s not because of any unfinished school work or an exam due the coming week. it’s not also because of a “telebabad” session with my friends. it is a lot more special than that because it’s FREYJA’S DEBUT!!!

I may be sleepless that night but it’s definitely worth it. yung isang gabing ‘yon ay hindi ko ipagpapalit sa kahit ilang gabi na nakatulog ako ng mahimbing. bakit??? dahil nung gabing ‘yun nagkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na makilala ‘yung mga bago kong kaibigan. siguro ngayon masasabi kong di na kami magkakaibigan sa tawagan na lang dahil marami na kaming napagsamahan...nariyan na ang “starbuko” moment after the party, ang paglalaro ng pusoy dos kung saan natalo ako ng 4 pesos, ang “hi jack” na talo na naman ako, ang paglalaro ng truth or truth, ang pagpila sa paliligo at ang walang kamatayang pagppicture-taking…

Masaya siya. Definitely unforgettable. Pero sana di pa yun ang una’t huli… sana marami pang bonding moments na dumating. Alam kong di pa sapat at di ap ganun kalalim yung samahan natin kaya kailangan talaga nating magbonding. Yun lang…

more than just a bad hair day!

2005-08-24T10:13:00.000+08:00

“I did my best but I guess my best wasn’t good enough…” Naaalala nyo pa ba ang linyang ito mula sa kantang “Just Once” ni James Ingram??? Paborito kong linya ‘yan sa tuwing nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Ano nga ba ‘tong nararamdaman ko??!! Actually, halo-halo, iba- iba, samu’t sari… punong- puno ako ng negative feelings na hindi ko masabi kahit kanino man dahil sa takot ako at ayoko na ma-“brand” ng kahit ano..get what I mean?? Pinipilit kong sarilinin pero ‘di ko kaya. Pinipilit kong itago pero kusang lumalabas. Pinipilit kong ilihim pero eto ako ngayon at nagsusulat ng tungkol sa nararamdaman ko. Labo noh??

I’M GETTING FRUSTRATED!

Siguro para sa iba napakasimple at daling solusyunan ng bagay na ‘to. ‘yung tipong tumawa lang at magpakasaya eh ayos na ang lahat. ‘yung tipong i-assure lang nila ‘yung sarili nila na they’ll do better next time eh back to normal na. Pero sad to say, hindi n’yo ko katulad. Pag nafu-frustrate ako, it really drives me crazy dahil tagos hanggang buto na may kasama pang panginginig ng kalamnan ang panggigigil ko sa sarili ko. Na-imagine nyo na ba??

Wala namang may gusto ng ganitong pakiramdam at tulad ng kahit sino man, ayoko rin naman nung pakiramdam na pasan ko ang daigdig. Pero di talaga maiaalis na dumating sa point na ‘to. Noong mga nagdaang linggo, patong-patong na gawain ang kailangan kong tapusin. At kahit na parang sasabog na ako sa sobrang pagka-stress eh ginawa ko pa rin, with extra effort pa. Ngayong linggo namang ito, sobrang naiinis na talaga ko sa mga nangyayari. Paano ba naman, naglabasan na yung results nung mga exams ko. Hay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sa awa ng Diyos, pumasa naman. Pero kung tutuusin, hindi sulit yung ipinuyat ko para sa nakuha ko. Huwag nyo po sanang isipin na GC ako. Sadyang hindi lang talaga ako masaya sa mga nangyayari. Walang self-fulfilment. Buti pa yung mga kaklase ko, hindi naman sila nagpupuyat ng sobra pero ang tataas ng grades nila, yung tipong lumilipad pa! di ba kainggit??!!

Napaka-loser ko! Parang first sem pa lang eh nagkakaganito na ko. Paano na next sem at sa mga darating pang semesters? Patuloy pa rin ba akong magiging loser? Patuloy pa rin ba akong maiirita sa nangyayari sa kin?? Sana naman hindi na dahil nga ayoko ng pakiramdam na ganito.

*sa mga nakabasa nito, don’t get me wrong. Hindi lang po basta grades ang habol ko dito. Contentment at fulfilment sa resulta ng effort na ineexert ko sa pag-aaral. Hindi nyo nga siguro ko ka-level pagdating sa talino, tiyak na mas magaling kayo sa ‘kin pero kahit papano ginagawa ko lahat makasabay lang sa agos ng buhay. Kaya kung nagkakaganito man ako ay dahil sa hindi ko na alam kung ano pa ang dapat kong gawin pagkatapos kong magawa ang higit pa sa kaya ko. Sana po naiintindihan niyo…pero sa mga di nakaka-relate sa ‘kin, wag nyo na lang intindihin…bahagi lamang ito ng aking pagdadrama sa buhay.

in the beginning....

2005-08-19T06:32:00.006+08:00

it's my first entry in my newly created blog.. i'm really not fond of doing stuffs like this. but why am i here right now?? it's because of my friends(hunniehbeh and ettenyw !!) who've convinced me to write my journal..also, i'm at the beginning of a new chapter of my life and i think it's about time to share to my close friends how i feel and not let every good memories just pass me by.. in laughter and in tears, in joys and sorrows, be with me as i try to explore each and every day that will come my way...